When Your Culture Is the Reason You’re Stuck

This is not an easy thing to admit, and it’s definitely not a popular thing to say, but for a lot of South Asians the biggest thing holding them back physically has very little to do with discipline, motivation, or knowledge.

It’s culture.

Not culture in a romantic sense. Not the food, the clothes, or the traditions you actually enjoy. I’m talking about the unspoken expectations, the guilt, the pressure to stay in line, and the subtle ways people pull you back when you start doing something different.

If you’ve ever tried to take your training seriously and felt uncomfortable doing it around family, you’ll know exactly what I mean.

 
Culture Was Built for Survival, Not for the Body You Want Now

Your culture made sense once. It was built around survival, tight communities, shared resources, and doing what was expected of you. In that environment, obedience and conformity kept a families legacy alive.

But we don’t live in that world anymore.

Most people now sit all day, move very little, eat food that didn’t exist two generations ago, and live under constant low-level stress. The same cultural structures that once protected people are now completely mismatched to modern life.

No one updated the rules. And you’re paying the price physically.

Why Training Feels So Uncomfortable at First

For a lot of people, the hardest part of starting fitness isn’t the gym itself. It’s the internal conflict that comes with it.

Eating differently feels awkward. Saying no to food feels rude. Training regularly feels excessive. Prioritising yourself feels selfish, even when you know logically that it isn’t.

So people compromise. They skip sessions. They eat things they didn’t want. They tell themselves they’ll take it seriously later, once life is calmer or people are more understanding.

Later never really arrives.

The Control Is Quiet, Which Is Why It Works

Most of the time, no one directly tells you not to train.

It comes out as jokes, comments, or concern that doesn’t quite sit right. You’re told you’re doing too much, that you’ve changed, that you should relax and enjoy life. On the surface it sounds caring, but underneath it’s a nudge back toward what’s familiar for everyone else.

And because it’s subtle, people give in without realising they’ve done it.

Here’s the Part People Avoid Saying Out Loud

If your health is declining, your energy is low, and your confidence has slowly eroded, then staying quiet to keep the peace isn’t virtuous.

It’s costly.

You’re the one who carries the extra weight, the joint pain, the frustration, and the regret. Culture doesn’t deal with those consequences. You do.

This Isn’t About Cutting Off Your Family

This is where people get defensive, and I understand why.

You don’t need to reject your culture. You don’t need to fight with your family or constantly explain yourself. And you definitely don’t need to turn fitness into your entire personality.

What you do need is the ability to stay connected without being controlled.

That means learning how to show up without folding every time there’s pressure.

What Balance Actually Looks Like in Real Life

Balance isn’t doing whatever keeps everyone else comfortable.

It’s training first, then going to the family event. It’s eating in a way that supports your goals and still sitting at the table. It’s leaving a bit earlier when you need sleep and not turning it into a debate.

You’re still there. You’re just no longer negotiable.

Most People Never Make This Shift

They wait for permission. They hope for approval. They expect the comments to stop before they commit.

That rarely happens.

So they stay exactly where they are and eventually convince themselves that this is just how life is.

If You Want to Move Forward, This Is What Actually Helps

You decide your priorities before you’re tested. You treat training like an appointment, not a suggestion. You plan your food in advance so you’re not relying on willpower in emotional moments.

And most importantly, you stop explaining yourself every time someone questions you.

You don’t need a speech. You need consistency.

Prepare for the Pushback

When you stop bending, people notice. Some will respect it. Some won’t. Some will push harder at first.

That’s normal.

What isn’t normal is sacrificing your health to avoid mild discomfort.

You must stay strong to actually get where you want to go.

Culture Only Has Power If You Hand It Over

This part is uncomfortable because it removes excuses.

No one is forcing you. You’re choosing compliance because it feels safer and more familiar. But safe isn’t the same as fulfilled, and familiar isn’t the same as healthy.

At some point, you either decide that your body and your future matter, or you keep waiting for the right moment.

You Don’t Need to Rebel. You Need Standards.

Quiet ones.

The kind that don’t argue or justify. The kind you live by consistently.

You train. You look after your body. You keep showing up.

And eventually, the same people who questioned you will ask how you did it.

That happens more often than you think.

At some point, you have to be honest with yourself.

If your health keeps slipping, if your confidence keeps dropping, if you keep saying “I’ll start soon”, then culture is already deciding your life for you. Not loudly. Not aggressively. But through expectations, guilt, food, comments, routines, and the unspoken rule that keeping everyone else comfortable matters more than you taking control of yourself.

Nothing changes until you decide that your body, your health, and your future are non-negotiable.

That decision feels uncomfortable at first. You will feel selfish. You will feel awkward. You will feel like you’re going against the grain. But on the other side of that discomfort is clarity, confidence, and a sense of self-respect most people never develop because they never step outside what’s familiar.

What do I know about culture?

Truth is I don't know much. I grew up in multicultural family with an eastern european grandad, an english father, an african mum living in Ghana and Surrey. So when the lines are blurred you get to pick your own.

But what I consistently see in my clients with a monocultural upbringing is that those who honour their family at the expense of themselves never get the results they want. 

It shows up to me as last minute cancellations because of surprise events.

Not sticking to nutritional guidelines because "they would be upset if I declined."

They’ll hit a PB and immediately say, “It’s not that good though,” because confidence was never encouraged, only compliance.

It shows up when I ask what they ate and they pre-emptively justify it. Not explain. Justify. As if they’re already expecting disappointment or criticism.

My coaching is for people who are ready to stop letting culture run the show and start building a body and life they actually respect, while still being present with family on their own terms.

And if you’re not ready for that yet, that’s fine. But you don’t get to complain about results you’re unwilling to take responsibility for.

The door is open. The choice is yours.